Riding the “emotional roller coaster” of divorce can leave even a seasoned thrill-seeker feeling out of control, there seems to be a new jarring crisis over every hill. You climb to the top only to feel the earth drop from under you as soon as you reach the top. Don’t let uncertainty whip you into an emotional free-fall. Below are tested strategies to prepare you and separate your emotions from the finances.Prepare for the emotional roller coaster: Emotions can rule your divorce if you aren’t prepared.
· Don’t play games to destroy him or her. Even if you aren’t the one that initiated the divorce or worse, you are still holding out for reconciliation, playing spiteful games is never the answer. Your focus should be off manipulating the situation and on making sure you are able to take care of yourself financially.
· Don’t be a bully and don’t succumb to bullying tactics. At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter who did who wrong, who cheated or who lied. From a legal perspective, those things bare little weight in the courtroom. Give up on “getting even” and focus on staying smart. Bully’s only win if you succumb to their advances.
· Keep your eye on the ball. You will need all the energy available to you to deal with the difficulties that arise during the split of a relationship, don’t be distracted by the typical bickering that occurs between spouses during a split. Don’t create a war where it isn’t needed. Allow your attorney to do his/her job and you focus on the future and well-being of you and your kids.
· Keep your white flag to yourself. A divorce can be daunting, unfortunately the family law court system can seem like a concentration camp at times. Don’t give up the farm in exchange for your freedom. Many people do just that! I constantly hear clients say “I don’t want anything; I just want out”. A notion that’s perfectly understandable when you feel like your fingernails are being removed with pliers, but inevitably I also hear from clients, “I wish I would have held out for more…” (financially). Don’t give up because of the pain, push through to insure the successful transition of your life and your children’s lives.
· Know your enemies. Don’t pick a fight with your attorney. During a divorce, especially a contentious one, try not to attack everyone. Most important, don’t pick a fight with your attorney. It’s important to keep your emotions in check. A good, experience attorney will act in your best interest, so allow your divorce attorney to do his or her job and stay focused on a stable life.
The bottom line is divorce is never easy, but being proactive and taking steps to avoid common pitfalls can save months, and in some cases, years of agonizing emotional distress.